LET GO

If we love someone, we have to accept the reality that in every beginning there is an end. Sometimes we even ask ourselves why things like this happen. In the same way, we too are bothered on why think that we are meant to be if we really are not. As time pass by, memories are just part of our past, yet we tend to remember every detail that went into our mind. Just like the others, we tend to forget everything yet we still remember every li’l bit of those memories.

We were strangers starting out on a journey

Never  dreaming what we have to go through

Now here we are

I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you

Unexpected what u did to my hart

When I lose hope u were there to remind me

This is the start

A simple HELLO, and that’s where it all started. Yet, I never figured that in my every happy single day with the one I love is the saddest day of someone who really means a lot to me.  We where just friends though, yet we never thought that it will end that way. A simple argument was the cause of everything between Carl, my friends and me.

It was 7:30 in the evening when I heard someone knocking at our gate. I peep out side and saw Carl standing. I hurriedly open the door and let him in. He was in despair. “Hey what happened?” I asked. “Jess, pls tell me what’s really happening. I’m so confused with your friend. I’ve never done anything wrong. I know and you know that ILOVE her, yet why’s this happening?” he asked with a sad intuition on his face.

“I know you love her, but believe the fact that she left you. I know it’s hard but if you really love her try to win her back, but if nothing happened then just let go. Maybe all she wants is a little time for her. Think about it Carl.. Think about it. You never know, God has big plans for the both of you.” I replied. After a while, he left. The next day, I hurriedly went to school. As I arrived, I saw my friends sitting at the near by bench in our classroom corridor. I approached them and meet them with a big smile. Yet, something is still bothering me. I was looking for Lynn when my cell phone vibrated. A message was sent to me. As I was about to open it, Lynn called my name. She was so happy that day when I saw her; I know it would ruin everything if I’m going to tell her what happened last night, yet I really have to. Therefore, I walked towards her, greeting her with a fake smile. “Hey Jess, you alright?” Lynn asked. “Yes I’m alright. Umm, Lynn, is it ok if I talk to you for just a minute?” I asked. “Yah, sure! What is it all about?” she asked. I told her everything, nothing more, nothing less, then I left, making her think for herself about the situation. As I was about to enter my classroom I suddenly remembered that I received a message from someone. As I opened it, Lynn approached me. “Jess, I’m sorry if you have to resolve everything just for the sake of the both of us. I mean, for Carl and me. Yes, I still love him. In addition, letting him go is the last thing I want to do. So, I’m going to call him and would ask for him to come back.” She said then left. I was happy for them yet something is still bothering me. Then I look at my phone. At my amazement, Carl’s name was on it. He was the one who texted me. I opened it in a hurry. To my surprise, he texted me this: “Hey, jess it’s me Carl. Anyway, can you please do me a favor, don’t tell Lynn about everything that I told to you last night. Please!!“ After reading his message, the feeling of guilt suddenly came over me. Different kinds of thoughts came into my mind. What should I do? I told her already. What would I tell Carl? If I would tell him, it might just cause a very big problem. Nevertheless, WHAT WILL I DO???!! Then I noticed that my teacher was fast approaching so I hurriedly went inside our classroom. As I was about to listen and participate to my teacher, I felt my cell phone vibrated again. Then I felt nervous. However, as I was about to open it, my teacher called my name “Miss Santo, please tell the class the different kinds of propositions.” She asked. Thank God, I answered quite correctly. Then I sat back, remembering that I had received another message from someone. To my shock, Lynn was the one who texted. “ Jess, why’s this happening to me? I thought he want me back, so I asked him, but he said he couldn’t, for some reason.” After reading her message, I felt so nervous that I excused myself from class and went to the comfort room “ Jess, you alright?” Kristine, my seatmate then asked as she saw me leaving. I just looked at her and then left. As I was about to enter the comfort room, I heard a familiar voice talking and at the same time crying. Oh no! It’s Lynn. So, I hurriedly fixed myself, and entered the room as if nothing happened. “ Lynn, what happened? I just got your message but didn’t know you where here.” I asked with a fretful tone of my voice. She looked at me for a while, come up to me then hugged me. She was crying so hard. However, all I can feel is the feeling of culpability. Because of my big mouth, things like this are happening. “ Jess, why is this happening to me?” Lynn asked repeatedly.

      When you wake up each morning and you feel like calling’

I’ll be there for you

When the world seems uncertain and you can’t stop the hurting’

I’ll be there for you

When there’s no one beside you

I’ll be there to guide

Catch you each time you fall

When the stars won’t shine anymore

I’ll be there for you

After that day things suddenly went back to normal, for some but not me. Lynn did overlook everything. However, I did not. I really would want to know his reason on why he just takes Lynn for granted. After all, she wants him back and for all I know that’s what he want to at the first place, but all of a sudden everything was in confusion. Therefore, I decided to find out every detail to fix everything.

You think u own whatever land you land on

The earth is just a dead thing you can claim

But I know every rock and tree n creature

Has a life has a spirit has a name

You think the only people who are people

Are the people who look n think like u

But if u wok the footstep of the stranger

You’ll learn things you never knew

Prom night came. My friends and me where so eager to find a place for us to have our, you know, girl thing. Anyway, my partner was my long time crush, Fred. My friends still had to convince me upon asking him to be my prom date. We had so much fun that night. After attending our prom, we went to Grandpa’s and continued our celebration. It was a long night. At 2:00 in the morning, we all went home. I saw that there where so many calls from Carl, so I texted him then in a few minutes the phone rang. “Hello?” I answered. “Hey Jess,” it was Carl, “oh! Hi?” I said. “So why call? Any problems my friend?” I asked. After a long talk, I had to hang up the phone because I was so tired.

The next day was a very surprising day. I thought that last night was my last Prom. However, it wasn’t. Queenie called me up and asked me if I was available to attend Adenu’s prom as the partner of her friend. I said yes then hang up the phone. I was now preparing for the occasion when the phone rang. It was Carl again. He was asking me out but I said I couldn’t because I had some other plans for tonight, and then I hang up. He was so impatient that he was calling me time after time. I was so upset because I was fixing myself. Then after a long time waiting my friends arrived. As usual, we all danced for the whole night. Then, I suddenly felt my phone vibrated so I sat down. It was Carl who texted me. “ Sorry if I have to ruin everything between you and your friends, but I can’t help it. Falling for someone who is the friend of my x is very crazy. I’m sorry but I really can’t help it. ” After reading his message I send it back to him knowing that he just miss forward it to me. However, he text me again the same text message. “hey, you’re forwarding wrong messages. What’s wrong with you?” I tested. However, he did not reply. After that long night, we all went home.  As I got home, I texted Carl to call me, and so he did. “Hey, you’re forwarding me some wrong message a while ago. So, that’s the reason why you did not even care to come back for Lynn right?  So who’s the girl?” I asked without being serious.  Then he unexpectedly answered back “YOU!!”, “HAHAHA!! You’re making me snigger. Honestly, who’s the girl? I said with a laughing tone.  “why is it hard for you to understand and to feel that I honestly is really falling for you? Call me crazy or anything but all I want you to know is that I LOVE YOU!” he said with a very keen voice. After hearing what he said I laughed. “hahahahahaha!!!! You’re totally CRRRAAAAAZZZZYYY!!!!! Me? you… fall for someone like me… oh yeah… harhar!!! You’re insane. Quit it ok. I’m serious here. Tell who the girl really is and I promise I won’t tell anyone. “ I said. “Think about it Jess. I’m not loosing my mind or whatsoever, I don’t know what happened but all of a sudden, I felt differently every time I see you or talk to you. Sorry if it has to be this way. I know Lynn is my x and that, you’re her friend, but I cannot help it. I can’t help falling for someone…and that someone is you.” After hearing those words I immediately hang up the phone and did not even bother to say goodbye to him. I did not even bother to answer again his call. That night, I received so many text messages from him but I was not in the mood to read it. All I can think of was.. IS IT TRUE? WHY ME? IS HE TELLING THE TRUTH OR IT WAS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF HIS JOKES.? I can’t help it anymore so I decided to open his messages. All he ever text was that he l really do love me and was sorry if it has to be this way.   I don’t know what to do. What if Lynn would know it, she might think that I helped her just to get Carl out of her way. What would my friends think? I was not expecting things like this to happen. All I can think of him was my friend. However, I can’t lie to them. I had to tell them before someone does.

It came over me in a rush

When I realized that I love you so much

But sometimes I cry coz I cant tell you why

Why I feel what I feel inside

How I tried to express what’s been traveling in my mind

But still I cant find the words but I know that some thing’s got a hold on me

The next morning I woke up very anxious. I was going to call Queenie when my cell vibrated. It was Lynn, she was asking if I could meet her and some of our friends at Joe’s pizza Parlor. I texted her back to wait for me.

It was a fine day. However, remembering the things that had happened last night I was thinking of not going with them instead I would just stay home, but I can’t. So I hurriedly dressed up and left.

As I got there, I saw Lynn sitting at our usual table. The others where not there yet. As she saw me I greeted her with a fake smile.  “hey where are the others?” I asked. “oh obviously they’re still not here.” She replied as I sat down. I was so anxious of telling her, but I have to before the others might know, it’s better if we’re the only once first before the others. “um, Lynn… I got to tell you something.. umm… it’s about Carl..” I paused, then to my amazement she replied, “oh yeah, Carl.. I know all about it now. He told me last night. You’re very lucky girl.” She said. “what do you mean? He already told you what?” I asked with a very concerned voice. “he told me everything. He apologized for he really did not mean to fall for someone like..  YOU!! He was sorry for being so absent minded that he had fallen for someone who’s the friend of her x…. getz?” she said with a very concerned tone of her voice. “ I’m really sorry Lynn. I did not know that things would be like this. I…I…” I told her but she stopped me. “I know, that’s why I understand him and you. You’re just helping us but did not mean anything for him to fall for you. I mean you’re just being so helpful. You’re no expecting for him to suddenly change his mind ‘cause on the first place all you know is that he wants me back then all of a sudden he can’t ‘cause he realized that you know…” she cleared thins up. But for me, I was still confused. Why is it that she’s not mad or anything? Then the others came. Lynn told me to keep everything as our secret. We became so close that day.  After eating at Joe’s we went to POLL center. It is our usual hang out place after our weekend class. I both some new shirt and a pair of sandals. We even got each one-friendship bracelet. We had so much fun that I had forgotten my problem with Lynn and Carl. Then I felt my phone vibrated. As I opened my inbox, It was Carl who texted me, He was asking me out but I replied that I can’t because I’m with my friends. I told Lynn what Carl texted me. To my surprise, she even said that she’ll just make some excuses to my friends and that I should meet Carl. I was not in the mood but Lynn is forcing me to meet him. So I texted him back and asked him where we should meet. I had to leave without my friend’s knowledge. As I got to McDonald, I saw Carl sitting at the second table next to the play area. I approached him and greeted him with an annoyed smile. He pulled back the chair in front of him for me to sit in.. He asked me what I want and went down to order our food. Then he returned with it. I was not able to look directly at him ‘cause I was so irritated at seeing him being nice to me. It was like where having a date, which totally sucks. After we finished eating, I asked him if we could just go some place where no one could notice us. Therefore, we went to their house riding his motorcycle. It was though. As we got there, I noticed that no one’s home then we entered. We watched some movies and had some junk foods and sodas. That day, I really was avoiding him to talk about our situation but nevertheless, I did not. He sat beside me then asked me everything about the situation. I told him that Lynn already knew about it and that we had no plans of telling the others. However, I wasn’t quite sure of what would really happen. Then suddenly I slipped out. “Ok fine. Stop making me fall even harder. It’s enough that you had treat me out but it must stop there. I want you but I really can’t have you! You’re Lynn’s x boyfriend. I’m her friend. Isn’t that enough for you to know that we can’t be together? “ I said with a very infuriated voice. I can’t help it but to fall for him even more every time I see his face, every time I was with him and every time when he’s making me laugh. Still I know my limitations. If I would allow him as a part of my life everything would be ruined between me and Lynn and unfortunately our FRIENDSHIP! “yes I know, but I can’t change my feelings at an instant. You see I really love you. I honestly do. And you know now that it’s ok for Lynn, because as you can see she’s still the one so eager for you to go out with me even if It’s so complicated, right? “ he said convincingly. “ok, ok…but how can you be sure that it’s ok for Lynn? I mean, she’s your x right? So how would we know? It would still hurt. Maybe she is expecting that I would take you for grated because you’re her x and that she would think I wouldn’t hurt her because she’s my friend. “ I said unconvincingly. “ok, so that would be possible, but what if it’s really nothing for her. Besides I know her more than you do.” ;he exclaimed. “oh yeah. She’s my friend so I had to know her better.” I argued.  Then it came to an end that we should know Lynn’s decision first. So we planned something.

                                         Some things never change, some things will remain

yet I always hope n pray

That I cud change the day

And may be find a way

To make you come to me and stay

Yesterday doesn’t matter

2mrw u may not ever know so listen to me now

As I try to say that all I want is you today…

I went to school the next day to return something when I saw Lynn. “Hey, Jess, so what happened yesterday?” she asked. “yesterday? Oh nothing much. “ I said. “umm Lynn, can I ask you something?,” I said to her with a nervous intonation. “ok.. what’s it?” she then replied. “umm, I know that you’re Carl’s x and all that, but what if he’s courting me and that…ummm,? I paused. “Jess for me it’s nothing. Go ahead I support you! I don’t care if he’s my x or whatsoever. So go ahead. “ she replied. “what do you mean? You know you’re my friend. And that he’s your x so wouldn’t that be so ..you know..?” I asked. “as I have said, who cares. It’s ok!” as she said those things I felt my phone vibrated. It was Carl calling. “hello? “ I answered. “hey Jess I’m outside your school, come to pick you out.” He exclaimed. “what? How did you know that I’m here? Ok, I’m going out.bye.” then hang up. “who’s that?” Lynn asked. “Oh my….cousin. She said she’s outside waiting for me. SO is it ok if I would leave you here, I’d just call you later.” I said as I waved goodbye. As I got out, I saw Carl sitting at his motorcycle. I approached him at once and asked him to leave instantly before Lynn sees us knowing that I was with my cousin. Then we left. “so what now? What did she said?” he asked. “She told me that it’s ok for her. But I think it’s not.” I answered back. “Why is it hard for you to move on? Can’t you see that it’s really ok for her? As what you’ve said last night,” he paused. “You know that she’s my friend. Moreover, making things that would be against my friend is the thing I really can never do! I know it’s hard for the both of us but you should understand. May be we are not really meant for each other. We have to move on even if it has to be on a different way. It hurts but we should. We have no choice but to stay FRIENDS forever. I’m really sorry!” I cried out.

                                         Maybe it’s wrong to say please love me too

‘coz I know you’ll never do

somebody else is waiting there inside for you

maybe it’s wrong to love me more each day

‘coz she’s still here to stay

now I know to whom you should belong

I can feel my tears falling as I told him every bit of those selfish words which I really don’t want to say to him but still I must. Then he held the breaks then stopped the motorcycle from roving. “NO!!!! We will not be like this forever! I LOVE YOU, you know that! I don’t care what other people say as long as we’re together. All I want is you; neither Lynn nor the others around me except you! Jess, please! Don’t leave me like this.” He said as he held me close to him and wiped my tears. Then he kissed me. A kiss that means his lasting love. I can’t help it but to kiss him back. Then he whispered softly in my ear, so sweet that all I can feel is his caress “JESS I LOVE YOU!” 

She’s always on my mind

 Form the time I wake up till I close my eyes

She’s every where I go

She’s all I know

Though she’s so far away

It’s just keep getting stronger everyday

And even when she’s gone

I’m still holding on

So tell me where do I stop

Cause it’s breaking my heart

Don’t want to let her go

After my friends found out, as I was expecting, they got mad and left me. And Carl, after 4 years of our relationship, I had to leave him because of some reason. May be in the mere future we could be together again. But for now, we have to go on without each other. We have to start a new beginning without being together. But I promised him one thing, I would always be there for him and would always love him as much as he loved me. And that we would be together SOON…here in heaven….

Would you know my name, If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same, If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong, to carry on

Coz I now I don’t belong

Here in heavenWould you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?

Would you held me still, if I saw you In heaven?

Ill find my way, ‘til night and day

Coz I know I just can’t stay here in heaven.

 

 

~o~o~o~o~o~END~o~o~o~o~o~